how to make your teen daughter feel normal during puberty

Over the years, you’ve watched your child grow and go through one change after another. But puberty is different. It’s a time that can be as trying for parents as it is for young teens. And yet, it’s one of the stages of childhood when your daughter needs you the most.

When is the best time to talk to your daughter about having her period? As a rule, it’s a good idea to address the topic any time she shows an interest. By age eight or nine, she’s likely to have become quite curious and may already show early signs of physical development. If your daughter is nearing that age, you’ve probably thought about talking with her about menstruation. Or maybe you’ve already answered some of the questions she has. In either case, you can be sure more questions are coming.

In this section, you’ll find key information about puberty, anatomical and physiological changes, hygiene, and different types of feminine protection.

When your child goes through puberty, it may seem as though you’re getting to know someone new. A few years ago your daughter begged for bedtime stories and goodnight kisses. Now she asks for teen magazines and time alone. Outings you always enjoyed together are pronounced boring. And entering her room is by invitation only. Suddenly, it seems, your relationship has changed.

All parents are a bit shaken at the thought of their child growing up and becoming more independent. But try not to take differences in your daughter’s mood and behavior personally. What seems out of character or even defiant is probably just her way of discovering herself. As much as preteens strive to be independent, they still depend on you for the basics: food and shelter, love and guidance. They may question your opinions, but they are still affected deeply by what you think and say. Keep the lines of communication open, and you can get some important messages across, even during the challenging age.

In thinking about puberty, remember that it’s a process. The “onset” of puberty doesn’t mean that your daughter is a child one day and an adolescent the next. In reality, changes occur step by step over several years. Just as your child moved from total dependence on you in infancy to more social behavior in early childhood, she’ll emerge from puberty with even more independence. During puberty, the identity that you’ve seen develop during your daughter’s childhood will become more defined.

She’ll also become more conscious of her physical traits, including her sexual development. Her body will change, and her self-awareness will grow. For the first time since infancy, the reproductive organs grow and develop. The process of puberty is complete when a young person reaches reproductive maturity.

Every child, develops according to his or her own biological clock. A girl may enter puberty as early as age 9 or as late as 15 and still be considered normal. Puberty is triggered when the pituitary gland, a pea-sized gland near the brain, signals the body to release chemical messengers called hormones. Hormones in turn stimulate the growth and development of the reproductive organs, as well as related changes throughout the body. A hormone secreted by the pituitary, for example, causes a girl’s ovaries to produce the hormone estrogen. In boys, a hormone released by the pituitary signals the testicles to produce the hormone testosterone. Estrogen and testosterone spur the development of a child’s secondary sex characteristics, such as breast development in girls and the growth of facial hair in boys. Fluctuating levels of hormones may also bring on familiar adolescent mood swings. These ups and downs are tough for both child and parent to deal with, but they’re an inevitable part of puberty.

The development of the reproductive system is also spurred by hormones. Girls, for example, ovulate, or release a mature egg, for the first time. In boys, the production of sperm begins. Once puberty occurs, a girl can become pregnant and a boy can father a child.

All preteens and teens wonder whether they’re normal. Clearly explaining what physical changes to expect will reassure your daughter that she is developing as she should. The order of the changes below reflects the pattern most girls follow, but changes may also occur in a slightly different sequence without any cause for concern.

• Breast development. Breast development starts with breast “buds,” small mounds beneath the nipple and areola, the dark area surrounding the nipple. As development progresses, breasts grow rounder and fuller. The nipple and areola also darken. A girl’s breasts often develop unevenly, especially at first. If this unevenness worries your daughter, you can point out that most women have one breast that is slightly larger than the other, but that the initial size difference usually decreases over time.
• Pubic hair. At first your daughter may notice just a few fine strands. Pubic hair becomes characteristically coarse and curly late in puberty.
• Growth spurt. By age 15, your daughter should have experienced a stage of significantly greater growth-in height and weight. If not, consult your family doctor.
• Vaginal discharge. During puberty, your daughter may be concerned when she first notices a yellow or white stain in the crotch of her panties. You can reassure her that this is a normal fluid that cleanses and moistens the vagina. There’s nothing to worry about unless she experiences vaginal itching, odor, or irritation, symptoms that could indicate infection. This discharge is usually a sign that a first period can be expected in about a year.
• Underarm hair. This is typically a development of late puberty. In fact, many girls don’t grow underarm hair until after they begin menstruating.
• Menstruation. Most girls get their first periods between the ages of 12 and 13. But everyone’s clock is different, and it is normal to menstruate as early as age 9. Some girls are late starters but most reach puberty by the time they’re 16. Consult your family doctor if she hasn’t gotten her period by then.

Along with all the other developments of puberty, your daughter’s sweat glands will become more active, and perspiration odor may be the noticeable result. This is a good time to go shopping for deodorant. At the same time, more active hormones and oil glands may lead to the first breakouts, particularly on the face and back. You might add medicated acne-fighting lotion to the shopping list. Let her know that bathing or showering, washing the hair regularly, and keeping the face and hands clean are essential. While you’re on the subject, make sure your daughter understands the importance of personal hygiene. Since the urinary opening, vaginal opening, and anus are close together, girls must remember to wipe themselves from the front to the back, to avoid spreading bacteria.